When the Romanians lifted the severe communist skirt to see what colour knickers it was wearing, they weren’t at all impressed so they shot the two most responsible for such a fashion faux pas. The Bulgars, on the other hand, built a memorial to the Victims of Communism in Vidin. Much more civilised but not nearly as effective. But they had spent 500 years trying to chuck the Ottomans out of their country, only achieving it in the early 20th century so 45 years of communism was a blip. Admittedly 500 years is a bit better than the Spaniards who took 700 years but they did get it done earlier, waving goodbye to the last Abdul in 1492. So your average Ottoman isn’t coming fo earn a few bucks then go home like your average mine worker in a mining town. He’s not staying a few years, he’s staying a few centuries.

Yugoslavia thought so little of communism that they fought a war after its demise to determine who would live where, now that there was actual choice. Sadly, while the region seems to be at peace with itself now, it took a lot of tears to get here. And participants. You can see the remains of bridges in Novi Sad that were bombed by NATO because wars of independence are conducted much more efficiently if you include more participants. Trump’s being criticised for attacking Iran without congressional approval. This was Clinton’s folly, in between trips to Epstein Island.

They have a music festival in Novi Sad each year which, according to the locals is worse than having their bridges bombed. It’s called the Exit Festival and celebrates the demise of communism. The trouble is, when 200,000 people invade a town of 350,000 people, communism doesn’t look so bad. The whole place looks like a giant homeless camp (or California – take your pick). It’s a porno version of Glastonbury if the number of discarded condoms is any indication (I am reliably informed).

So far on this trip we’ve been to Romania, Bulgaria, Serbia and Hungary with a brief immigration stop in Croatia. As far as particular sightings are concerned, the current score is Christian Orthodox churches – 478, golf courses – 0. We might as well be in Afghanistan…apart from the Christian bit. And unlike a number of western democracies I could mention, there doesn’t appear to be much of Afghanistan in this part of the world.

While we’re on the subject of Christianity, we visited the Kalocsa Cathedral in Kalocsa (funnily enough), Hungary. It’s design is Italian baroque style which was introduced by the Catholic Church in the 16th century – sort of a Sydney Sweeney to counter the Protestant Reformation’s army of Karen’s. Jesus was a simple soul we are led to believe, so you have to wonder what he’d make of all of that gold and marble extravagance that characterises baroque. He was a man so we know what he’d make of Sydney Sweeney.